Three Million Unborn Babies Celebrate Their First Thanksgiving

UNITED STATES—Across the nation today, an estimated three million unborn children joined their families and loved ones to celebrate Thanksgiving for the very first time. Speaking to Catholic Onion reporters from the womb, children expressed their gratitude to God and their parents for all of the blessings they have received so far in their short, miraculous lives.

This child’s first Thanksgiving was finger-licking good.

“There is so much to be thankful for,” said Elizabeth Wheaton, a eleven-week old girl with fully-developed fingers and toes. “I have been given the gift of life, and I am so warm and cozy in here, and sometimes my mom listens to Justin Bieber. I really love Justin Bieber.”

As their mothers enjoyed turkey with all of the fixings, the unborn delighted in the new sensations of nourishment coursing through their little bodies, and listened with wonder to the many new voices laughing and expressing affection in the room around them.

“I hear from the other babies that by the time this day rolls around next year, we will actually be out there with everyone else and able to taste a little bit of everything with our very own taste buds,” sighed Sam Stevens, a pudgy boy just a couple months shy of delivery. “I can’t wait to meet everybody, and to try the sweet potato casserole.”

After a very satisfying Thanksgiving meal, the children settled down to take a turkey-induced nap with their mommies.